{1}{1}23.976
{595}{643}05 The Pink Panther Strikes Again - 1976 English
{643}{673}Morning, Doctor.
{676}{701}Good morning, Charles.
{704}{761}- You're looking splendid.|- I feel splendid.
{764}{862}Every day, and in every way,|you're feeling better and better.
{865}{923}- Indeed.|- Well, won't you sit here?
{967}{1003}Wouldn't you like me to...
{1005}{1060}Not unless you want to.
{1062}{1144}No? I'll be quite comfortable here.|Thank you.
{1213}{1265}Doctor, I'm surprised.
{1289}{1364}Oh, of course. You quit.
{1366}{1424}Three months ago.
{1426}{1485}There was a time|when your forgetfulness
{1488}{1539}would have made me feel|very rejected.
{1541}{1636}- Not now?|- Well, a little rejected, perhaps.
{1639}{1735}- Did you do it intentionally?|- Why should I do that?
{1737}{1860}Well, I'm a patient you consider|to be completely rehabilitated,
{1862}{1948}on your recommendation soon|to appear before the Sanity Board,
{1951}{2003}your reputation on the line.
{2005}{2068}A little test, perhaps?
{2070}{2138}Not very long ago,|an obvious trick like that
{2141}{2192}would have sent you|into a towering rage.
{2194}{2259}And poor old Clouseau|would have silently
{2261}{2323}and passively submitted|to another massacre.
{2377}{2461}It's a miracle you were able to keep|putting him back together again.
{2493}{2535}Poor old Clouseau.
{2559}{2652}There was a time when|I couldn't even speak his name.
{2654}{2737}There was also a time when|you would joyfully have killed him.
{2740}{2773}Yes.
{2812}{2857}I was a sick man, wasn't I?
{2893}{2937}We've come a long way,|haven't we?
{2939}{3041}And you're not even a little bothered|when you think of Clouseau?
{3044}{3093}Not even a little bit.
{3113}{3178}- Do you believe me?|- If you say so.
{3181}{3226}Well, I could be lying.
{3229}{3301}You are a good psychiatrist,|but I may be a better liar.
{3304}{3381}For your sake, I hope you're not.
{3384}{3456}Sooner or later,|you'd run into Clouseau
{3458}{3513}and then back here for life.
{3515}{3581}No more chance of another hearing.
{3584}{3621}Coming here day after day,
{3624}{3687}watching you chain-smoke yourself|into an early grave,
{3689}{3799}and knowing that on certain mornings|you'll be particularly morose and testy
{3801}{3867}because you've had another fight|with your wife...
{3869}{3915}like this morning.
{3917}{4015}- How do you know that?|- It's the only time you doodle.
{4073}{4153}I keep forgetting you used to be|Chief Inspector of the Sūreté.
{4156}{4195}And will be again.
{4198}{4282}But Clouseau is Chief Inspector now.
{4285}{4344}Till the better man comes along.
{4346}{4394}Well, in that case,
{4397}{4492}I think Inspector Clouseau|had better start looking to his laurels.
{4523}{4592}What? You mean...
{4612}{4693}The board meets|at 2:00 this afternoon.
{4695}{4733}This afternoon?
{4736}{4830}If everything goes as I expect it to,|you'll be out of here this afternoon.
{4926}{4984}- Thank you.|- See you at 2:00.
{5058}{5094}Clouseau!
{5143}{5178}Now, now, Doctor.
{5181}{5276}Some people would consider|your methods most unorthodox.
{5278}{5365}I was just making sure you're not|a better liar than I am a psychiatrist.
{5400}{5433}2:00.
{5654}{5726}Come along. Good.
{5936}{5970}How.
{6708}{6742}Help!
{6846}{6921}Grab hold of this.|Pull. Pull on this.
{7030}{7063}Help!
{7470}{7523}Out with the bad air,|in with the good.
{7528}{7587}Out with the bad air,|in with the good.
{7590}{7640}Out, in.
{7642}{7708}- Don't look, Fiona!|- Out, out.
{7710}{7799}And now, the kiss of life.
{7867}{7901}Pervert!
{8016}{8068}Dirty old men!
{8241}{8265}Clouseau.
{8266}{8343}Please, there is no need|to thank me.
{8346}{8414}- Thank you?|- For saving your life.
{8416}{8457}Someone...
{8459}{8503}I was hit on the head.
{8506}{8589}Yes, you have received|a "beump" on the head.
{8591}{8625}- "Beump"?|- What?
{8627}{8686}- You said "beump."|- Yes, I know that.
{8689}{8737}It is a large bump.
{8739}{8804}You could receive a concussion|from such a bump.
{8807}{8853}- Allow me to assist you.|- No!
{8892}{8952}I'm all right. I'm fine.
{8955}{9050}Never better.|Just a little shaky.
{9053}{9098}Probably the shock of...
{9101}{9169}I mean, the surprise|of seeing you here again today.
{9171}{9283}Well, I received a report|from the Sanity Commission
{9286}{9342}that they were going to review|your case today,
{9344}{9430}so I thought a few words|from me on your behalf...
{9439}{9538}Oh, God. I mean,|how generous of you, but...
{9541}{9601}Well, I'm not|without influence, you know.
{9603}{9642}Yes, I know that.
{9644}{9780}Yes, I have become a rather|important official in the department.
{9783}{9870}I've heard you are|the new Chief Inspector.
{9873}{9906}Yes.
{10113}{10208}Yes, we made quite a few changes|since you went crazy.
{10211}{10244}For the better, I'm sure.
{10279}{10368}By the way, Sergeant Chevalier|sends you his kind regards.
{10371}{10427}Oh, Sergeant Chevalier.
{10430}{10502}Good old Sergeant Chevalier.|How is he, anyway?
{10535}{10638}Well, you know, there are leaders|and there are followers,
{10640}{10737}and I'm afraid Sergeant Chevalier|will always be a follower, no?
{10739}{10783}Oh, yes.
{10786}{10868}And you, my friend Clouseau,|a leader, huh?
{10897}{11016}Always a leader?|Onwards and upwards to the top?
{11019}{11066}- It is my karma.|- What?
{11068}{11123}- My destiny.|- Oh, yes.
{11165}{11214}Yes, a few more years|on the force
{11216}{11311}and I might even be persuaded|to run for public office.
{11369}{11424}You can count on my vote.
{11427}{11489}And you, my friend,|can count on me
{11491}{11575}to do everything in my power|to get you out of this place.
{11616}{11662}Oh, yes. I know how you feel.
{11688}{11713}My hat.
{11715}{11739}Well...
{11973}{12041}Are you all right,|former Chief Inspector?
{12043}{12076}Yes!
{12103}{12187}Yes, I'm perfectly all right.
{12190}{12224}See?
{12480}{12560}One moment,|and I will have you extracted.
{12563}{12619}I'm fine. I am perfect.
{12654}{12755}Every day, and in every way,|I'm getting better and better.
{12779}{12847}Somewhere over the rainbow...
{12908}{12990}I'm afraid that this|is just not your day, my friend.
{12992}{13045}But it is my day.
{13047}{13107}It is, my friend.
{13109}{13218}After three long, terrible years,|it is at last my day.
{13221}{13307}I will not permit...|repeat... not permit anything...
{13310}{13370}repeat... anything...|to spoil it.
{13372}{13445}Now, I will walk you to the gate,
{13448}{13503}and I will kiss you good-bye...
{13542}{13611}and you will drive off|in your new car...
{13614}{13665}which should rightfully be mine...
{13668}{13762}and then I will have my interview|with the Sanity Commission.
{13765}{13829}And they will set me free,|and then...
{13848}{13883}I will kill you.
{13906}{13973}- Kill you!|- Francois!
{13994}{14035}Start the car!
{14038}{14062}Kill!
{14371}{14440}I'll kill him! I'll kill him!
{14505}{14554}I want to kill him!
{14643}{14688}I've got to kill him.
{19791}{19831}Allow me.
{20267}{20298}Cato?
{20404}{20449}Cato?
{23674}{23713}Forty winks.
{27898}{27933}It's the phone.
{27993}{28053}The phone is ringing.
{28219}{28270}Relax. I'll get it.
{28347}{28421}This is Chief Inspector|Clouseau's residence.
{28423}{28531}This is Chief Inspector Clouseau|speaking on the phone.
{28534}{28601}What? Oh, put him on.
{28651}{28731}Good evening, Commissioner.
{28733}{28822}How are you? How is Madame|and all the little commissioners?
{29015}{29063}I see.
{29151}{29197}Well, you can rest assured
{29199}{29289}that I shall take|every precaution that is necessary.
{29395}{29458}Thank you, Commissioner,|and good evening.
{29571}{29663}I have just received word that|former Chief Inspector Dreyfus
{29666}{29719}has escaped|from the insane asylum.
{29721}{29747}For some reason,
{29750}{29843}the Deputy Commissioner|thinks that he might try to kill me.
{29845}{29932}Obviously, the poor man is crazier|than anyone gives him credit for.
{29935}{29998}Nevertheless, I am ordered|to take every precaution.
{30000}{30052}See that the back door|and front door are locked
{30055}{30128}while I slip into|my new hunchback disguise.
{31255}{31302}Both doors are locked now.
{31305}{31337}Who are you?
{31388}{31454}What have you done|with Inspector Clouseau?
{31456}{31506}Chief Inspector Clouseau.
{31533}{31597}Fooled you, didn't I?
{31600}{31700}Oh, Chief Inspector,|that is fantastic.
{31703}{31748}If you think this is fantastic,
{31751}{31812}wait till you see|the full effect with the hump.
{32320}{32386}The bells! The bells!
{32388}{32429}They deafen me!
{32635}{32690}Chief Inspector Clouseau?
{32750}{32828}Yes, this is|Chief Inspector Clouseau.
{32831}{32871}Who is speaking?
{32873}{32944}My name is Duval.
{33002}{33049}Claude Duval.
{33064}{33171}I have the honour to be chairman
{33173}{33248}of the Jacques Clouseau|Presentation Committee.
{33251}{33330}The presentation committee?|For me?
{33368}{33436}For what purpose, may I ask?
{33439}{33489}"For what purpose?" you ask.
{33516}{33562}How modest of you.
{33564}{33650}The purpose, Monsieur,|is to honour
{33652}{33729}one of the city's most dedicated,
{33732}{33804}brave, and selfless public servants.
{33807}{33867}You are most generous,|Monsieur. Most.
{33869}{33917}I must admit|I have often wondered,
{33920}{34018}considering my years on the force|and my numerous accomplishments,
{34020}{34091}why recognition|was not forthcoming earlier.
{34093}{34150}Absolutely right.
{34152}{34243}Nine years' faithful service|at the Sūreté,
{34245}{34323}and not as much as|a single decoration in all that time.
{34366}{34415}Yes, that is quite correct.
{34418}{34483}However,|as you are no doubt aware,
{34485}{34579}I have recently received|an important promotion.
{34581}{34612}Really?
{34615}{34723}I have replaced the lunatic Dreyfus|as Chief Inspector.
{34725}{34850}I know. I'm sure Paris sleeps|more safely because of the change.
{34853}{34910}You are very kind.
{34913}{34999}But I can assure you when it comes|to matters of keeping the peace,
{35001}{35035}I'm always on my toes.
{35037}{35071}Chief Inspector.
{35073}{35126}One moment, please.
{35129}{35206}Can't you see|that I'm on the phone?
{36009}{36044}Oh, yes, Commissioner.
{36046}{36136}Fortunately, there was|sufficient air still left in my hump
{36139}{36196}to keep me afloat until the rescue.
{36198}{36299}Yes. Well, thank you very much,|Commissioner. Good-bye.
{36301}{36378}That was the commissioner.|He was most concerned.
{36381}{36442}Well, you have been|very, very lucky, you know.
{36445}{36538}Yes, I know. Poor Cato|will be in the hospital for weeks.
{36541}{36598}Do you know what kind|of a bomb it was?
{36601}{36648}The exploding kind.
{36650}{36735}Mark my words, Francois.|Sinister forces are at work,
{36737}{36842}and this mad bomber|must be apprehended at all costs.
{36845}{36911}Make sure you issue|an all-points bulletin immediately.
{36913}{36972}- Yes, sir.|- What about my clothes?
{36974}{37035}Sergeant Chauvin|is rounding some up for you.
{37037}{37097}While you're waiting,|perhaps you would sign the order
{37099}{37145}to transport Jean Tournier to prison.
{37147}{37233}Tournier, the bank robber?|I shall be happy to sign that order.
{37254}{37318}It's life for you this time, Tournier.
{37321}{37384}At last we are rid of you.
{37619}{37662}I have to go to the toilet.
{37703}{37738}All right.
{38089}{38121}Thank you.
{38598}{38629}Tournier!
{38971}{39018}All right, that's long enough.
{39294}{39345}Now, this is my plan.
{39347}{39389}Step number one...
{39392}{39478}I will recruit the world's|greatest criminal minds.
{39481}{39513}Step number two...
{39516}{39629}I will build an organization|so sinister, so powerful,
{39631}{39733}by comparison, the Cosa Nostra|will seem like the Vienna Boys' Choir.
{39736}{39841}- Here is the list.|- But half of these men are in prison.
{39843}{39912}- We'll get them out.|- Impossible.
{39914}{39972}I'll bet you 20 million francs it isn't.
{39974}{40019}Where would I get|20 million francs?
{40022}{40055}I thought you'd ask that.
{40058}{40155}Step number three...|Next Thursday at precisely 2 p.m.,
{40158}{40250}you and six men will enter the main|branch of the Paris Credit Bank.
{40282}{40367}This afternoon, at approximately|five minutes to 5:00,
{40370}{40440}three men dressed|in building maintenance uniforms
{40442}{40502}entered and robbed|the Paris Credit Bank.
{40532}{40618}The leader has been identified|as Jean Tournier.
{40710}{40763}How much did they get?
{40766}{40831}Millions. Here's the report.
{40860}{40926}All right. That will be all, Francois.|Thank you.
{41000}{41046}Twenty million francs.
{41075}{41142}And now, the next step.
{42654}{42714}Hugo Fassbender and his daughter|have been kidnapped.
{42717}{42777}- Professor Fassbender?|- Paris has a theory.
{42780}{42861}They're sending over their top man,|a Chief Inspector Clouseau.
{42863}{42978}He just sent this telegram.|"Arrive Gatwick Airport, 12:38 p.m."
{43487}{43533}Yes? Who are you?
{43535}{43602}- Jarvis, sir.|- And what is it you do?
{43604}{43679}- I am the butler.|- The butler. Yes, yes.
{43682}{43765}Can you tell me where you were|on the night of the kidnapping?
{43768}{43844}- Asleep in my room, sir.|- Asleep in your room.
{43847}{43899}- Can you prove that?|- No.
{43902}{43952}Make a note of that,|Sergeant Yard.
{43955}{44012}Tell the staff to assemble|in the drawing room.
{44015}{44068}I will interview them|in a few moments.
{44153}{44213}- What was your name again?|- Jarvis.
{44215}{44245}Jarvis, that's right.
{44247}{44314}Perhaps you'll be kind enough|to show me around the house.
{44317}{44352}Very good, sir.
{44487}{44554}I suggest we start with the upstairs.
{44556}{44644}- This is the upstairs, sir.|- Yes, I know that.
{45186}{45227}This is a door.
{45230}{45281}Yes, sir, that is a door.
{45283}{45357}- Yes, I know that.|- It's not locked, sir.
{45411}{45445}Obviously.
{45485}{45572}Stay where you are.|I prefer to handle this alone.
{45895}{45958}Is there anybody|hiding there in the dark?
{46394}{46492}Nothing like a good warm-up|when you're on a case, you know?
{46495}{46614}Tell me, which switch|did you use to turn on the lights?
{46617}{46663}The light switch, sir.
{46788}{46835}Strange. It didn't work for me.
{46923}{46947}Yes.
{46971}{47111}Unless I miss my guess,|this would be the gymnasium room.
{47113}{47210}- Yes, sir.|- Yes. It is a good room.
{47212}{47246}Yes.
{47392}{47495}This reminds me of my younger days|at the Sūreté Police Academy.
{47498}{47569}The parallel bars... my speciality.
{47572}{47648}I was something of an athlete,|you know. Yes, yes.
{47651}{47758}I was known as|the Pavlova of the parallels.
{47760}{47795}Oh, yes.
{47860}{47906}Yes, it's all coming back now.
{47928}{47997}Yes, I remember...
{48213}{48283}Well, that felt good!
{48317}{48404}Well, now, I expect you're all|wondering why I asked you here.
{49262}{49328}It's obvious that the knight|that wore that suit
{49331}{49374}did not last very long.
{49571}{49616}Yes, yes. I know, I know.
{49636}{49679}Now...
{49682}{49737}Yes. As I was saying...
{49740}{49832}You were saying you supposed|we were wondering why you called us.
{49835}{49944}There is no need for you to speak|unless I ask you a question.
{49947}{50016}- What is your name?|- I'm Shork, the gardener.
{50019}{50071}- What is it you do?|- I'm the gardener.
{50074}{50123}Why didn't you say that|in the first place?
{50126}{50151}I did.
{50154}{50204}Don't try to be funny|with me, Monsieur.
{50207}{50261}This is a very serious matter,
{50264}{50344}and everyone in this "reum"|is under the suspicions.
{50347}{50388}- "Reum"?|- What? What was that?
{50391}{50439}- You said "reum."|- Yes, I know that.
{50442}{50509}And there is a very good chance|that someone in this room
{50512}{50593}knows more about the murder|than he is telling.
{50596}{50640}- Murder?|- What was that you said?
{50642}{50688}- I said "murder."|- What murder?
{50692}{50746}Well, I don't know.|You said "murder."
{50748}{50795}I said "murder"?|You said "murder"!
{50797}{50861}No, I said "murder"|because you said "murder"!
{50864}{50890}I said "murder"?
{50892}{50943}You said there was|someone in this room
{50945}{51036}who knew more about|the murder than he's telling.
{51038}{51065}Now listen...
{51125}{51162}- What was your name?|- Shork.
{51164}{51198}- The cook.|- Gardener.
{51228}{51291}Now we are getting somewhere.
{51294}{51335}You...
{51337}{51384}Oh, dear!
{51386}{51447}Are you all right, Mr. Stutterstutt?
{51450}{51504}- Who is this man?|- He's Mr. Stutterstutt.
{51506}{51564}What is your job, Mr. Stuckerstuff?
{51566}{51600}He's the bee-keeper.
{51602}{51672}I'm not asking you.|I'm asking Mr. Stuffsucker.
{51675}{51740}What's that?|What is he saying to you?
{51743}{51818}He says he's got a bit of a cold|and he's lost his voice.
{51821}{51919}Lost his voice.|A bee-keeper who has lost his voice,
{51921}{51972}a cook who thinks he's a gardener,
{51974}{52031}and a witness to murder.
{52033}{52114}Oh, yes. It is obvious|to my trained eye
{52117}{52232}that there is much more|going on here than meets the ear.
{52445}{52516}Before you are dismissed,|Mr. Stiffsticker,
{52519}{52576}I suggest you count your bees.
{52579}{52644}You may find|that one of them is missing.
{52646}{52683}You ruined that piano!
{52685}{52731}What is the price of one piano
{52733}{52813}compared to the terrible crime|that has been committed here?
{52816}{52869}But that's a priceless Steinway!
{52872}{52943}Not anymore. What is your name?
{52945}{52993}Mrs. Leverlilly.
{52996}{53074}Mrs. Loveliver,|I would take a shrewd guess
{53077}{53128}that you are|the housekeeper, right?
{53130}{53221}I have been with|Professor Fassbender for 30 years.
{53224}{53295}That would account|for your exaggerated hysteria
{53297}{53342}over a simple blemish|on the furniture.
{53345}{53376}Blemish?
{53378}{53461}Whatever has happened to the piano|can easily be repaired.
{53463}{53540}What has happened to|Professor Fassbender and his daughter
{53542}{53584}is another matter.
{53586}{53717}And it is my job to bring the guilty party|or parties to their justice.
{53719}{53768}Now, then, what do we know?
{53770}{53907}One... That Professor Fassbender|and his daughter have been kidnapped.
{53909}{54048}Two... That someone|has kidnapped them.
{54050}{54131}Three... That my hand is on fire.
{54449}{54494}Drummond, what's going on?
{54497}{54533}Good afternoon, sir.
{54536}{54624}Inspector Clouseau|has been interrogating the staff.
{54652}{54705}Inspector Clouseau,|Superintendent Quinlan.
{54708}{54747}Inspector.
{54749}{54787}Superintendent.
{55336}{55401}Why don't you just tell Potters|that he's incompetent
{55404}{55459}and request that he|be taken off the case?
{55461}{55564}Because... we've got enough trouble|with France...
{55566}{55671}without suggesting that|their greatest detective is a fool.
{55729}{55763}Steady.
{55814}{55845}Where is he now?
{55884}{55936}He is shadowing|the Fassbender farm.
{57624}{57664}Hello, sailor.
{57710}{57755}- Yes?|- Who are you?
{57758}{57803}Chuck. Who are you?
{57982}{58015}What's that?
{58018}{58098}I am Chief Inspector|Jacques Clouseau of the Sūreté.
{58123}{58206}- How exciting.|- I think I will take a look around.
{58209}{58279}You'll have to make use|of the bar first or take a table.
{58282}{58332}The show starts|in a couple of minutes.
{58334}{58426}- In that case, I will take the table.|- Right. Follow me, Jock.
{58428}{58479}- Jacques.|- Jack?
{58600}{58658}Ladies and gentlemen, once again,
{58661}{58720}it is my profound pleasure|to introduce
{58722}{58789}the incomparable Ainsley Jarvis!
{59014}{59127}What's a queen.
{59130}{59198}Without a castle?
{59201}{59258}You're right...
{59260}{59344}No queen at all.
{59346}{59477}And you'd be right again to say.
{59480}{59570}The winter's day.
{59573}{59650}Is cold.
{59652}{59811}Till you come.
{59928}{60024}Until you love me
{60026}{60126}I always will be wanting.
{60128}{60186}This need I need.
{60189}{60333}Can come from only you.
{60335}{60436}Until you love me
{60439}{60532}I'll live a life of longing.
{60535}{60713}For that's the next best thing|I can do...
{60740}{60840}No way of knowing.
{60843}{61015}Which way your heart|is going to go
{61018}{61142}I don't think you know.
{61145}{61317}Take as long as it takes your love.
{61319}{61418}To grow.
{61441}{61537}Until you love me.
{61540}{61635}Not one dream can come true.
{61638}{61738}In all my dreams.
{61741}{61878}There is a place for you.
{61880}{62009}And so I'll keep those dreams.
{62011}{62173}Until you love me.
{62175}{62237}Too.
{62729}{62827}Why is it that this afternoon|you are Jarvis, the Fassbender butler,
{62830}{62879}and tonight you are...
{62882}{62929}Inspector, before you get...
{62931}{62990}Madame or Monsieur,|I must warn you.
{62992}{63045}You had better watch your step.
{63200}{63276}- Something wrong, Ainsley?|- Of course not, Bruno.
{63279}{63361}No, the inspector was just warning|me that I had to watch my step.
{63363}{63455}You see, back in France,|he's known as king of the tango.
{63457}{63512}- Tango?|- I'd love to.
{63778}{63836}- The kidnappers are here.|- Kidnappers?
{63995}{64036}Okay. Let's go.
{65217}{65278}Want to call Paris now?
{65498}{65570}Look at it this way.|It can't possibly get any worse.
{66710}{66769}Professor Fassbender!
{66819}{66864}What an honour to have you
{66866}{66938}and your charming daughter|as my guests.
{66940}{67015}- Who the devil are you?|- Ah, yes. Who the devil, indeed.
{67017}{67087}Come. Sit down.|Let us just say for the moment
{67089}{67159}that I'm your host and that|I will do everything in my power
{67161}{67212}to make your stay|at Mondschein Castle
{67215}{67248}as pleasant as possible.
{67250}{67293}Providing, of course,
{67296}{67403}that you reciprocate by giving me|something that I very much want.
{67430}{67471}And that would be?
{67499}{67618}I am fascinated by your work|on time-space relationships,
{67620}{67732}particularly the vortices|of electromagnetic aberrations.
{67735}{67770}I see.
{67772}{67826}And do you work|for a particular government,
{67828}{67899}or do you expect to sell|my discovery to the highest bidder?
{67901}{67989}Neither, Professor.|Nothing so mundane.
{67992}{68075}You and I,|we're going to join forces, Professor.
{68078}{68137}We're going to build|the Doomsday Machine
{68140}{68170}and conquer the world.
{68172}{68199}Have a sweet.
{68202}{68240}You're mad.
{68243}{68320}Mad? On the contrary.
{68323}{68387}Every day, in every way,
{68389}{68447}I've been getting better and better.
{68469}{68502}Mad?
{68504}{68583}Was Hannibal mad? Or Alexander?
{68585}{68670}Surely Napoleon|was the maddest of them all. Mad?
{68700}{68745}We shall see, Professor.
{68748}{68834}- I shall tell you nothing.|- I think you will.
{68977}{69035}I'll die first.
{69085}{69144}Show Miss Fassbender|to the school room.
{69169}{69204}Daddy?
{69668}{69700}What are you going to do?
{69703}{69803}Something so very, very painful,|so hideous,
{69805}{69870}your father will have no choice|but to cooperate.
{69966}{69992}No!
{70202}{70289}All right.|I'll tell you anything.
{70373}{70423}The Wolverines have to score.
{70425}{70478}I'm sure Green|will come out throwing.
{70481}{70545}He's got to get that ball|down deep into Navy territory.
{70548}{70619}Green now on third down.|Looks to the left, throws it...
{70621}{70668}All right, team! Let's go!
{70670}{70753}Throw is complete to Rhodes!|He's inside the 15! He's to the 20!
{70756}{70828}The clock is running down.|Can the Wolverines do it?
{70873}{70941}- What happened?|- Where's the game?
{70944}{71004}- Who is that?|- Hello there.
{71070}{71142}- He's on every station.|- Well, call the FCC.
{71145}{71200}Hold it! He's saying something.
{71202}{71285}Mr. President, everybody,|calm down.
{71287}{71373}Calm down, hell! This is an...
{71376}{71429}emergency. Did Michigan score?
{71432}{71500}Please, let's hear|what the fellow has to say.
{71502}{71559}It is little enough to ask...
{71561}{71599}the life of one man
{71601}{71715}against a holocaust|that could destroy the globe.
{71740}{71798}What the hell's he talking about?
{71801}{71839}Quiet.
{71841}{71895}That's why I say again,
{71897}{71969}give me Clouseau.
{71999}{72060}And we can all sleep secure|in our beds.
{72062}{72088}What's a clouseau?
{72091}{72162}And so, next week,
{72165}{72222}I shall give the world|a demonstration
{72225}{72283}of the awesome power I hold.
{72285}{72345}On Saturday, October 9th,
{72347}{72441}at precisely 3 p.m.|Eastern Standard Time,
{72449}{72505}the United Nations building...
{72545}{72607}will vanish|from the face of the earth.
{72681}{72728}The gun goes off.|The game is over.
{72731}{72804}Call the FBI, the CIA,|and the Pentagon.
{72807}{72857}Find out who won the game!
{72963}{73024}That's a photograph taken|by an American news photographer
{73027}{73068}while the broadcast was in progress.
{73102}{73176}Paris has identified him|as one Charles Dreyfus,
{73179}{73249}former Chief Inspector of the Sūreté.
{73251}{73287}You're joking.
{73290}{73327}And more recently an inmate
{73329}{73416}at the state facility|for the criminally insane.
{73418}{73489}Until he escaped.|Here's a text of his speech.
{73531}{73568}He obviously controls equipment
{73571}{73625}sophisticated enough|to pirate a satellite.
{73627}{73693}"Give me Clouseau, and we can all|sleep secure in our beds."
{73696}{73730}Thought that might interest you.
{73733}{73806}One crazy chief inspector talking|about another crazy chief inspector.
{73809}{73869}What does he mean?|"Give me Clouseau."
{73872}{73955}Listen to this. "Little enough|to ask the life of one man"
{73958}{74017}against a holocaust|that could destroy the globe."
{74019}{74055}You missed the best bit.
{74058}{74128}He also threatens to make|the U.N. Building disappear.
{74230}{74288}- Operation Looking Glass?|- Fassbender.
{74305}{74363}Give me Lovell. Home office.
{74381}{74452}- Where's Clouseau?|- I have no idea.
{74762}{74834}Now, ladies and gentlemen,|once again,
{74837}{74925}the incomparable Ainsley Jarvis.
{75354}{75385}Monsieur Jarvis?
{75421}{75464}Monsieur Jarvis?
{76155}{76222}- Sir, the coroner's report.|- Ah, yes.
{76225}{76285}It's amazing. Even after|he had been stabbed twice,
{76287}{76335}he was still able|to break the kidnapper's neck.
{76338}{76433}- Ah, pity.|- Yes, he had a lovely voice.
{76472}{76513}I meant pity|the kidnapper's dead.
{76515}{76565}We might have got|something out of him.
{76568}{76650}- I did get something out of him.|- What?
{76653}{76684}What's that?
{76751}{76811}- A "cleu."|- "Cleu"?
{76814}{76897}- What?|- You said a "cleu."
{76899}{76967}Yes. A brochure clue...
{76970}{77037}advertising the Oktoberfest|in Munich.
{77039}{77101}It begins the day after tomorrow.
{77103}{77156}You think the dead man|was planning to go there,
{77158}{77185}perhaps to meet someone?
{77188}{77267}Yes. Perhaps to meet...
{77270}{77321}the lunatic Dreyfus.
{77364}{77458}At one time,|partners in the war against crime,
{77460}{77531}now archenemies.
{77646}{77673}You'll need help.
{77711}{77749}I prefer to do this alone.
{77752}{77798}Yes, but if Dreyfus|is what we suspect,
{77800}{77845}he probably has|an army behind him.
{77847}{77927}Of course it won't be easy,|but nothing worthwhile ever is.
{77930}{78027}That is why I have always failed|where others have succeeded.
{78030}{78133}For me, the greater the odds,|the greater the challenge.
{78158}{78253}And, as always,|I accept the challenge.
{78256}{78343}Well, I am off to Munich.
{78493}{78587}Most ingenious.|The old closet ploy.
{78590}{78625}I must congratulate you.
{78628}{78728}If there's one thing I do enjoy,|it's a good closet ploy.
{78731}{78813}Well, until we meet again|and the case is solved.
{78876}{78920}The case is solved!
{79967}{80011}Four minutes.
{80014}{80079}We're gonna look like|a bunch of Dipsy Doodles
{80082}{80137}if this turns out to be a hoax.
{80139}{80243}Well, we would look very foolish|if we didn't take every precaution
{80246}{80288}and it turned out not to be a hoax.
{80291}{80347}Dr. Fassbender|and Operation Looking Glass
{80350}{80396}are certainly no hoax,|Mr. Secretary.
{80399}{80522}God. A weapon like that|in the hands of a crazy Frenchman.
{80571}{80630}You are certain? You can do it?
{80633}{80662}Theoretically, yes.
{80665}{80759}For your daughter's sake, I hope so.|Ah, the dreams I had.
{80761}{80848}All the terrible things I was going|to do to that child if you failed.
{80851}{80912}- I've done everything you asked.|- Not yet.
{80915}{80964}When the U.N. Building vanishes,
{80967}{81023}then you will have done|everything I asked.
{81026}{81112}What do you suppose|they will call the crater?
{81115}{81166}The Dreyfus Ditch!
{81168}{81234}- There should be no crater.|- No crater?
{81236}{81318}But I want a crater.|I want wreckage, twisted metal.
{81320}{81373}Something the world will not forget.
{81375}{81450}- They will not forget today.|- They won't? Wonderful.
{81453}{81507}I have to tinkle.|Don't do anything till I get back.
{81509}{81586}Too late. The countdown's started.|One minute.
{82405}{82442}Thirty seconds.
{82445}{82521}Seven, six...
{82524}{82598}five, four...
{82600}{82703}three, two, one!
{82705}{82739}Ignition!
{83134}{83179}Today...
{83181}{83223}the U.N. Building.
{83250}{83307}Tomorrow, who knows?
{83332}{83399}I think by now the nations|of the world are aware
{83401}{83458}of the awesome power|which I control...
{83460}{83509}a power so great,
{83512}{83603}if I choose,|I could wipe out an entire city.
{83606}{83659}After all,|what is the life of a man
{83662}{83765}compared to the destruction|of a whole city?
{83792}{83859}I give you seven days.
{83862}{83913}Seven days.
{83916}{83957}Okay.
{83985}{84039}Well done.
{84042}{84103}So, now we wait.
{84105}{84164}All this to get one cop?
{84166}{84236}But we have some of the finest|hit men here in Europe
{84239}{84263}in this very room.
{84265}{84313}Why don't we|take care of it ourselves?
{84316}{84364}Because you wouldn't|stand a chance.
{84367}{84391}Come on.
{84392}{84467}- You don't know Clouseau.|- He can't be that good.
{84469}{84526}Good? He's not good.
{84528}{84611}He's terrible. He's the worst.
{84614}{84696}There is not any man like him|anywhere in the world.
{84698}{84778}Compared to Clouseau,|this Doomsday Machine is...
{84780}{84836}is just a water pistol.
{84839}{84919}That's why it will take|all the great nations...
{84944}{84997}with all|their trained assassins...
{85022}{85095}and all of their|sophisticated murder weapons,
{85098}{85141}to eliminate Clouseau.
{85316}{85361}Taxi, please.
{85552}{85621}- What are you doing?|- That's my case.
{85691}{85725}Lucky for you, I am in a hurry.
{85728}{85773}Otherwise you would have|been arrested.
{85799}{85876}And when it comes to the matter|of eliminating Clouseau,
{85878}{85971}nobody wants to have|anybody else get the credit for it.
{85973}{86058}It's a matter of national pride.
{86060}{86144}I think we all agree, Mr. President,|that we simply cannot afford
{86147}{86231}to allow any other country|to get hold of Fassbender's machine.
{86234}{86333}Crazy or not, anyone who has gone|to the lengths that Dreyfus has gone
{86336}{86388}in order to eliminate one man,
{86390}{86501}it's reasonable to assume|that Dreyfus will smile very kindly
{86504}{86576}on the one who eliminates|Inspector Clouseau.
{86579}{86631}I think that's pretty far-fetched.
{86633}{86709}Mr. President,|if I told you one week ago
{86712}{86766}that the U.N. Building|would disappear
{86768}{86845}and that a certified lunatic|would blackmail the entire...
{86848}{86901}You made your point.|What do we do?
{86904}{86981}Well, Mr. President,|Clouseau is in Munich.
{86984}{87042}I ordered one of our top people|to Munich yesterday.
{87045}{87107}- Yesterday?|- Well, just in case.
{87132}{87161}He's just reported in.
{87164}{87214}Clouseau has gone|to the Oktoberfest.
{87217}{87290}I wonder if we have enough time|before the others act.
{87293}{87364}Germany's already acted|and bungled it.
{87393}{87448}According to the latest|code transmission,
{87451}{87515}12 countries have got|their top assassins in Munich,
{87517}{87581}and they're all converging|on the Oktoberfest.
{87617}{87708}My God, it will be|like a shooting gallery.
{90167}{90218}Try one of my pretzels.|They're good.
{91702}{91774}What are you doing|to this poor motherless child?
{91776}{91800}You great big bully.
{91842}{91903}There, there, little boy.
{93831}{93865}Sir.
{94006}{94062}- I better call the President.|- You know what time it is?
{94105}{94162}He wants me to call.
{94201}{94240}Put me in, Coach.
{94318}{94357}What's the score?
{94572}{94606}Yes?
{94662}{94732}It's okay. How many?
{94734}{94773}Twenty-six, Mr. President.
{94775}{94856}Holy cow. No wonder Dreyfus|wants that Clouseau killed.
{94858}{94909}He's a one-man army. Who's left?
{94912}{94982}Just the Russian and the Egyptian.
{96416}{96455}My key, please.
{96650}{96695}127, please.
{98707}{98768}Good evening,|Inspector Clouseau.
{99161}{99257}I couldn't sleep, and I just happened|to be in the neighbourhood.
{99461}{99519}I hope you don't mind.
{99889}{99961}You Frenchmen are so romantic.
{100007}{100056}Thank heaven.
{100059}{100115}For little girls...
{101826}{101870}Swine maid.
{104658}{104735}Forgive me, darling.|I've just washed my hands.
{104771}{104826}They must have been freezing.
{104850}{104881}Freezing? Yes.
{104884}{104924}Something wrong?
{104927}{104996}Wrong? Oh, no.
{105012}{105052}What could be wrong?
{105117}{105206}Then come back to bed.
{105209}{105254}Yes, of course.
{105257}{105309}Into the bed, you know.
{105335}{105417}And take off|those so-silly pyjamas.
{105463}{105558}You may rest assured you will never|see these so-silly pyjamas again.
{105561}{105635}That I can assure you.
{105978}{106011}Darling?
{106038}{106103}Yes, I won't be a moment...
{106105}{106133}darling.
{106180}{106225}Hurry, darling.
{106257}{106320}I'm just going to take a bath.
{106323}{106358}A bath?
{106379}{106414}Excuse me.
{106463}{106497}Yes.
{106642}{106707}Hello, this is|Chief Inspector Clouseau.
{106709}{106791}There is a beautiful woman in my bed|and a dead man in my bath.
{107000}{107078}If you're going to take a bath,|I want to take one with you.
{107108}{107196}Darling, it's freezing out here.|Let me in.
{107328}{107363}Madame...
{107365}{107443}I arrest you for the murder|of the man in this bathtub.
{107445}{107469}What?
{107471}{107567}And I must warn you that anything|you say will be taken down
{107569}{107613}and used in evidence against me...
{107616}{107640}you.
{107705}{107749}Who is he?
{107751}{107790}I don't know. He looks familiar.
{107838}{107907}- He looks like you.|- Like me?
{107990}{108033}Tournier, the bank robber.
{108035}{108105}What is he doing in your bathtub|dressed up like you?
{108108}{108188}It is a question|I could very easily ask you.
{108190}{108247}But he has been shot...
{108250}{108325}and I do not carry a gun.
{108328}{108394}Obviously not, no.
{108397}{108449}I am Olga Berriossiva.
{108452}{108531}Until one hour ago,|I was a loyal Russian agent
{108534}{108609}under direct order|from the Praesidium to kill you.
{108612}{108646}To kill me?
{108649}{108705}I was considered|a perfect liquidator
{108708}{108793}because no man had ever been able|to involve me emotionally...
{108796}{108841}until tonight.
{108876}{108944}Do you think that you|could fall in love
{108946}{109023}with an ex-Russian agent?
{109062}{109114}Well, of course,
{109117}{109180}everything is possible, yes.
{109316}{109354}But you are not the same.
{109386}{109429}Well, of course...
{109462}{109520}Dead men in bathtubs|have been known
{109522}{109584}to make quite a difference,|you know.
{109586}{109685}Anyway, this is the man who can|lead me to the lunatic Dreyfus,
{109687}{109741}who it is my sworn duty|to apprehend.
{109743}{109818}I, too, had a sworn duty,|but I have forsaken it,
{109821}{109920}become a traitor,|given up everything for you.
{109958}{109989}With me...
{109992}{110069}it is the duty that comes first.
{110072}{110158}Make an exception just this once.
{110161}{110216}I wish that I could.
{110218}{110292}You can. I guarantee it.
{110294}{110342}No, you see...
{110388}{110425}- Look!|- What?
{110428}{110452}That tattoo.
{110454}{110516}When I arrested Tournier,|he did not have that tattoo.
{110518}{110625}- It looks like the Mondschein crest.|- Mondschein?
{110649}{110676}What is that?
{110678}{110766}An infamous family who ruled Bavaria|in the 15th century.
{110794}{110887}I read somewhere|that the Mondschein Castle
{110890}{110960}had recently been sold.
{110962}{111070}You read somewhere|that they had sold the castle?
{111150}{111234}Fancy them selling the castle,|just like that.
{111354}{111400}The castle!
{111402}{111462}Yes. Dreyfus.
{111489}{111537}He is in the castle.
{111735}{111809}Farewell. I am off|to Mondschein Castle.
{112137}{112182}Must be getting a cavity.
{112218}{112282}When can my daughter and I leave?
{112284}{112354}When Clouseau is no more, perhaps.
{112357}{112414}I have done everything you asked.
{112416}{112478}You've done everything|I've asked so far,
{112481}{112526}but I have not asked everything.
{112543}{112612}What you mean is you have|no intention of letting us go.
{112615}{112665}You plan to continue|your reign of terror,
{112667}{112717}whether Clouseau|is eliminated or not.
{112719}{112772}I must admit the thought|had occurred to me.
{112774}{112862}- You are mad.|- And you are redundant, Professor.
{112865}{112936}Redundant and fallacious. Madness|does not preclude achievement.
{112939}{113003}You cannot operate|the machine without me.
{113006}{113053}Not yet,|but when you have taught me.
{113056}{113105}And if I refuse to teach you?
{113108}{113215}I would have to take the matter up|with your charming daughter.
{113218}{113289}- What kind of a man are you?|- A madman.
{113291}{113354}- You said so yourself.|- Boss!
{113593}{113618}It's true.
{113649}{113706}- When?|- This morning, in his hotel room.
{113753}{113777}He's dead!
{113813}{113886}He's dead in his hotel bedroom!
{113888}{113934}Hurray! I'm free!
{113971}{114027}I am so happy, Professor.
{114045}{114079}I'm so...
{114589}{114637}Good day.
{114639}{114701}My name is Professor Guy Gabroir,
{114703}{114776}medieval castle authority|from Marseilles.
{114779}{114872}Tell me, do you have a "reum"?
{114875}{114962}I do not know what a "reum" is.
{115270}{115306}A room!
{115309}{115364}That is what I have|been saying, you idiot.
{115367}{115400}Room.
{115817}{115858}Does your dog bite?
{115900}{115927}No.
{115989}{116023}Nice doggy.
{116106}{116161}I thought you said|your dog does not bite.
{116163}{116223}That is not my dog.
{117359}{117404}Swine moat.
{120838}{120898}Anything I can get you, boss?
{120900}{120973}I can't stand it any longer.|Get me a dentist!
{121290}{121332}Yeah? Yeah.
{121334}{121477}No. No. Dr. Shurtz lives here,|but he has gone fishing.
{121517}{121602}I don't know. I will tell him.
{121652}{121730}Did I hear you say|a doctor lives here?
{121733}{121800}He's a doctor, a dentist.
{121802}{121857}He made my teeth for me.
{121860}{121930}They want him up at the castle.
{121933}{122024}Up at the castle?|Where can I find him?
{122027}{122089}Dr. Shurtz has gone fishing.
{122092}{122168}- He probably won't be back until...|- Show me his zimmer.
{122171}{122195}His "reum"!
{122541}{122597}Hello!
{122600}{122693}It's Dr. Shurtz|from the village, you know.
{123305}{123338}Excuse me, sir.
{123361}{123410}- Dr. Shurtz is here.|- Where?
{123413}{123501}Here, Doctor. Please hurry.|I am in agony.
{123601}{123659}All will be well soon.
{123703}{123759}- Did you hurt yourself?|- Yes.
{123761}{123829}The burn. I can set it later.
{123860}{123972}First of all, I will need|some hot water and towels.
{123975}{124045}Get some hot water, Harry,|and lock the door.
{124047}{124123}- I don't want to be disturbed.|- And lock the door, Harry.
{124125}{124180}He does not wish|to be disturbed, you know.
{124182}{124260}Please, Doctor, hurry.|I can't stand the pain.
{124262}{124341}Yes. Now, then, let me see.
{124365}{124389}What?
{124391}{124446}- My eye.|- I thought it was your tooth.
{124464}{124489}But it is my tooth!
{124492}{124537}I wish you would|make your mind up.
{124539}{124623}I don't normally make castle calls|in the middle of the night.
{124735}{124769}Come on, Doctor.
{124809}{124857}Wait while I...
{124912}{124952}Yes, that's...
{125057}{125086}There it is.
{125136}{125192}Now, open wide, please.
{125240}{125285}Now, let me see.
{125322}{125393}Tell me when this hurts.
{125396}{125441}Is it that one?
{125473}{125519}Is it that one?
{125535}{125577}Is it that one?
{125580}{125644}Ah, there is the naughty one.
{125646}{125719}- Are you going to pull it?|- Pull it?
{125722}{125780}Yes, of course I will pull it.
{125782}{125843}Please give me something|to put me out.
{125846}{125872}Put you out?
{125933}{125978}Yes. Here, first you must wear
{125981}{126063}this special anesthetic|cotton wool, you know.
{126066}{126107}Wear it over the eyes.
{126110}{126184}On no account look out|from under the anesthetic cotton.
{126186}{126273}That will ruin the whole effect|of the anesthetic on the eyes.
{126276}{126313}You want me to hold it like that?
{126316}{126410}Hold it like that on the eyes|while I get some...
{126413}{126476}Please hurry, Doctor.|I can't stand the pain.
{126478}{126519}Yes. Coming soon.
{126722}{126768}What are you doing?
{126770}{126833}Just rearranging the furniture
{126836}{126925}in order to give you|the full effect of the anesthetic.
{126928}{127012}Please, Doctor, I'm in agony!
{127014}{127062}Not for much longer.
{127383}{127442}That was hell down there.
{127444}{127471}What's wrong?
{127513}{127608}Whoever built this house|put the stairs in the wrong place.
{127610}{127688}You mean|you fell down the stairs?
{127690}{127769}I was preoccupied|with the anesthetic, you know.
{127772}{127843}It's really hot in here,|isn't it? Hot in here.
{127909}{127954}Now, the...
{127981}{128014}anesthetic.
{128099}{128145}"Nitrous oxide."
{128204}{128233}What's that?
{128266}{128330}That is the anesthetic,|you know.
{128333}{128366}Oh, good.
{128393}{128457}Yes, it is good, yes.
{128508}{128624}Please, Doctor, the pain|is getting worse. Please hurry up.
{128626}{128719}A few whiffs of this|and you won't feel a thing.
{128746}{128814}- All right.|- Now breathe deeply.
{128863}{128908}- How's that?|- It's fine.
{128939}{128974}How do you feel?
{129023}{129058}A little dizzy.
{129112}{129172}- What's so funny?|- I don't know. Nothing.
{129174}{129237}- Then why are you laughing?|- I don't know.
{129240}{129334}- Why are you laughing?|- Because I can't help it.
{129612}{129646}Yes.
{129734}{129761}I love it.
{129763}{129811}- Come on.|- It's gonna hurt.
{129814}{129859}Good. Lovely.
{130247}{130335}I will have to use more leverage.
{130923}{130986}I don't know what|you gave me, Doctor,
{130988}{131054}but it's giving me hallucinations.
{131057}{131126}Your whole face has changed.
{131129}{131164}It has?
{131471}{131506}How's this?
{131508}{131566}Grotesque!
{131665}{131730}We just got word, boss.|Clouseau is still alive.
{131799}{131826}I knew it.
{131971}{132034}He has pulled the wrong tooth.
{132085}{132152}There's only one man|who would pull the wrong tooth.
{132195}{132233}It's Clouseau.
{132235}{132278}Kill him.
{132303}{132335}Kill him.
{132884}{132968}Get Fassbender and his daughter|into the control room.
{132971}{133001}What about Clouseau?
{133023}{133128}Priorities.|First I will pick a target.
{133131}{133176}Then Clouseau.
{133625}{133686}Now we'll see|who has the last laugh.
{133689}{133747}They've all betrayed me.|Now they will have to pay.
{133749}{133819}What shall I destroy?|Buckingham Palace? Too small.
{133821}{133867}How about London?|Not big enough.
{133869}{133929}England! Yes, England.
{133931}{133977}Good-bye, Piccadilly.
{133979}{134027}Farewell, Leicester Square.
{134209}{134273}You are just in time, Professor.
{134276}{134365}Within five minutes,|I shall destroy England.
{134368}{134391}England!
{134416}{134452}No more cricket.
{134477}{134545}No more warm beer, Professor.
{134548}{134631}No more fish and chips.|No more...
{134828}{134861}England!
{136252}{136289}Do something.
{136292}{136348}You brought it on yourself.|It's too late.
{136351}{136380}Wait!
{136383}{136453}Do something!|Come back! Help me!
{136456}{136483}Look!
{136536}{136575}You've got to help me!
{136577}{136616}Help, Professor!
{138973}{139045}Cato, my little|yellow friend, I'm home.
{139057}{139091}Cato.
{139975}{140035}I gave Cato the night off.
{140068}{140157}But what has happened|to my "reum"?
{143826}{143862}Darling?
{144154}{144190}My darling.
{144336}{144399}Darling, sing to me.
{144402}{144449}Sing to you?
{144466}{144549}Come to me.
{144552}{144598}And the world.
{144600}{144688}Will be ours tonight.
{144724}{144788}Darling. Darling?
{144893}{144940}Where did you go?
{144942}{145009}- Your voice?|- Yes, that was my voice.
{145011}{145075}That was my voice singing|a little song we used to sing
{145078}{145153}in the Resistance|to keep up the courage.
{145156}{145226}Was it hard for you|in the Resistance?
{145229}{145321}Very hard,|but not as hard as it is now.
{145323}{145369}Darling, relax.
{145371}{145430}The Resistance is over.
{145462}{145498}My darling.
{145525}{145577}My beautiful darling.
{145579}{145630}What? What?
{145633}{145710}Cato! You imbecile, not now!